Fledge Day

Photo by Laszlo Fatrai on Pexels.com

In July a pair of Carolina wrens built a nest in the hanging basket of red begonias by our screen porch, in between two hummingbird feeders. I watched amazed at their industrious, ceaseless labor as bit by tiny bit a cave-like nest was built by these tiny birds, piled high on top with bits of green moss gathered from under our maple trees and lined inside with the softest bits of leaves, fur, moss, and feathers.

Soon the female snugged down in the little cave, to lay three eggs and sit on them, emerging only occasionally to eat, or when we attempted to water the drying begonia. We soon stopped watering for fear of soaking the nest. The attentive male hunted for sweet bits of insect and worm for his female, and they called to each other in soft trills and song.

Eventually the eggs hatched and both partners began the business of keeping the babies fed. They began just after dawn and their strident piercing calls woke me up most mornings before the sun. Our cat, Valentine, became fascinated with this feeding ritual and sat for long hours on the porch table, watching with round green eyes, his body tensed to leap up on the screen. We often had to remove him from the porch for fear he would indeed crash through the screen. This feeding ritual continued for a couple of weeks until we could hear little cheeps coming from the nest when the babies were hungry.

One day the feeding grew intense as both male and female ceaselessly flew into the net with insects and worms. I did not realize it at the time but they were giving the nestlings a final rich meal so they could be strong enough to fledge.

The next morning, mother and father did not approach the nest to feed but rather perched or walked along the deck rail calling to their fledglings. One by one the young wrens emerged from the nest and tottered atop the mossy mound and among the begonia stems. They had feathers but were also covered with the last bits of down which looked like a halo over their heads in the morning sun. They each made their way to the edge of the pot and perched there looking down at the female “momma” on the deck rail. They fluffed their tiny wings. Their little tail feathers were about 1/2 inch long. How can they fly? I wondered. But with each one, the moment came when they jumped into the air and flew down to the deck rail. As they parents coaxed them onward, from the rail they flew to the white flowering hydrangea shrub and from there to the viburnum in the middle of our backyard flower border. I went down on the lower deck to peek over and observe all three fluttering around on the branches of the viburnum and then on the leaf covered surface of the bed where the female waited to teach them how to hunt for food.

I felt so blessed to be able to witness this fledge. How patient and nurturing the adult wrens were, encouraging and teaching their young! And the wee fledglings – what trust and courage it took to leap into the air just trusting that their bodies would know how to fly!

What a lesson in trust this fledge day is for me: that when the time comes and there is nothing else to do, I must trust enough to leap into sustaining grace. A dear friend shared this poem by Denise Levertov which illustrates this so beautifully:

"Avowal"

As swimmers dare
to lie face tot he sky
and water bears them,
as hawks rest upon air
and air sustains them,
so would I learn to attain
freefall, and float 
into Creator Spirit's deep embrace,
knowing no effort earns 
that all-surrounding grace.
-Denise Levertov

“Avowal

Sanctuary

“Will you be my refuge, my haven from the storm, will you keep the embers warm when my fire is all but gone?” Carrie Newcomer writes in her song, “Sanctuary,” from her album, The Beautiful Not Yet. https://youtu.be/HjOioWTVAl4

I have been thinking a lot about sanctuary these past few months. I have had some health challenges which have kept me “under the weather,” and relatively house bound. When others head for the beach, mountain resorts, travel cross country to visit new scenery, and even fly overseas to fulfill their bucket lists or vacations longed for during the isolation of pandemic, I remain here, rooted in homeplace. I know I have written a lot about the small treasures hidden in plain sight if we would but look, but I have to admit that I have been a bit jealous of your wanderlust, and long to hit the airways or less traveled road myself. Footloose and fancy free! Yet, once again, that amazing and sometimes harsh teacher called LIFE revealed another lesson to me. You know, sometimes I get so distracted and busy with taking care of other people, plants, and animals and all the items on my “to do list,” the lesson that I need to take care of ME just comes crashing down in the form of health issues, as it does to so many people. It is a humbling experience to realize that guess what? I am mortal, body systems break down, aging creeps in and what was once a little aggravation suddenly appears to need radical care. Yikes! I slowly have begun to realize that I need to give myself the same commitment, loyalty, and loving attention that I extend to others. I am sure I am not alone in feeling rather guilty when I take time to nurture myself.

Anyhow, I have had to ask that question that Carrie so eloquently writes in her song: “will you remember, send me sprigs of rosemary, be my sanctuary…” The Oxford English Dictionary defines sanctuary as 1. “refuge or safety from pursuit, persecution, or other danger” 2. “a place where injured or unwanted animals of a specified kind are cared for” 3. “a holy place, or temple.” The origin comes from the Latin word for sanctus, meaning holy. This caused me to examine what people, places or things are sanctuary for me.

We tend to look to others or outside ourselves for comfort, rescue or safety. I am finding that the most important sanctuary for me is inside myself. I found the perfect poem to describe this in an email I received recently from the website gratefulness.org, which sends out lovely resources and a poem for each month:

Photo by Ioana Motoc on Pexels.com
The Most Important Thing
by Julia Fehrenbacher

I am making a home inside myself.  A shelter
of kindness where everything
is forgiven, everything allowed -- a quiet patch
of sunlight to stretch out without hurry,
where all that has been banished
and buried is welcomed, spoken, listened to -- released.

A fiercely friendly place I can claim as my very own.

I am throwing arms open
to the whole of myself -- especially the fearful,
fault-finding, falling apart, unfinished parts, knowing
every seed and weed, every drop
of rain, has made the soil richer.

I will light a candle, pour a cup of tea, gather
around the warmth of my own blazing fire.  I will howl
if I want to, knowing this flame can burn through
any perceived problem, any prescribed perfectionism
every lying limitation, every heavy thing.

I am making a home inside myself
where grace blooms in grand and glorious
abundance, a shelter of kindness that grows
all the truest things.

I whisper hallelujah to the friendly
sky.  Watch now as I burst into blossom.

https://gratefulness.org

Sanctuary is all of the above definitions for me, depending on the circumstances that require it.  Certainly my loving partner, Patrick, my golden retriever angel dogs, my chickens and cats provide the refuge I need  not only when the chips are down, but when I rise each morning in gratitude for the miracle of a new day with such loving companions.  
Angel dogs
Angel cat

The place I am cared for is my home and garden, and that home I am making inside myself, a “shelter where kindness grows the truest things.” How do I cultivate that home? I care for it with loving presence and gratitude. This is a practice that must be cultivated to bring forth any fruits, including fruits of the spirit.

The sanctuary that is a holy place for me is in the woods behind my house. There is a circle of beech trees that I call “The Seven Sisters.” I go there to sit in the silence of trees (which are not really silent if one listens to them). These beech trees are unusual in that they do not lose their leaves in the winter. The leaves turn a burnished gold, and dangle from the branches. They shimmer and shudder with every slight breeze, brushing against each other and making a small soothing sound. What healing can be had in a circle of beeches!

Photo by Simon Berger on Pexels.com

I meant to write an update on my chickens, the Dream Team specifically, but that will have to be for another post. When I sat down to type, sanctuary came. I have shared my ideas and examples of sanctuary with you. What are your sanctuaries? Have you ever tried to create a sanctuary or home within? I am interested in what you have to share. If you wish to, please post in the comment section below. And please take care of YOU!

The Turning of the Year

It is with some trepidation and a lot of hope that I welcome the new year of 2022. As I look out my window, the world is awash in gray: skies, winter bark on maple trees, relentless rain which forms puddles in every hollow, and the gray-winged birds which flock to our feeders. The world is seeming to pause, somehow, as if waiting for what will happen next. As I wait too, wondering if I am ready for whatever comes next.

It’s been a long year, folks. The pandemic did not go away with vaccinations as most of us hoped. We have had to soldier on through surge after surge. Masking has become commonplace in our household, as is testing to make sure we are not passing COVID on to our loved ones before any gathering. Severe weather events are becoming more common. The climate summit in Glasgow did not accomplish much. Politicians are still fighting. You know all this stuff. It gets OLD. I long to see a new change, while realizing that the only change that can and indeed must occur is change within myself. So at the turning of the year, I have a lot of reflecting to do. Do you?

I do not wish to recreate my old list of resolutions, which begin in hope only to get ditched about three weeks in. This year I hope to live in more grateful awareness of what is already around me, and inside me. I would like to focus on abundance rather than lack. I would like to notice the smallest of precious moments. I would like to hold them as candles in these dark winter days to illuminate what is good in my small world.

painting: New Year’s Candle

I present to you a few bright moments, beginning with this example: ( my husband noticed this first – he is my best teacher) I did not bother to put a quilt around the base of our live Christmas tree as has been my habit in years past. Be it pure laziness, it did lead our cat, Thomasina, to use the water in the tree stand as a personal fountain. Each day she goes to the tree stand and daintily dips her paws into the water (this is the coon part of her Maine coon heritage) to wash her face. If I had covered the base she would not have had access to the water.

The chickens are some of my greatest teachers, as you might well know. I daily admire the courage and tenacity of our oldest hen, Buffy, as she hangs on to her place in the flock despite suffering injury from one of our more aggressive hens. Buffy shows up every day to forage, dust bathe, and nibble at treats. She waits in the evening until the other seven are ensconced on the roost upstairs. She slowly makes her way up the rather steep ramp, speaking softly to them all the while, and then settles herself at the top of the ramp as guardian of the flock.

Our Buffy at almost nine years old, the grande dame of the flock!

I am blessed every day by our newest four hens, the Dream Team. They have never had a pecking order squabble. They hang together and help each other out. As a bonus, they present us with beautiful brown eggs every day without fail. They patiently wait their turn at any treats I provide and snuggle together each night on about one foot of space on the roost. I wish the whole world could get along like the Dream Team.

What about so many other small and large treasures? The new calendars hung, full of possibility, the Christmas cards gathered on the side of our fridge waiting to be taken down and wreathed in a whispered blessing for the thoughtfulness of friends and family, the anticipation of a new cup of tea, a warm bath in glowing candlelight, a brilliant sunset seen especially vividly through the bare branches of trees, the garden, now dormant, resting under its blanket of compost and leaves, the fact that even though I am rather isolated by the pandemic I still have my meditation companions, my life companion (no small treasure, but a HUGE one), our golden retrievers who are the best at cuddles and companionship, the marvel of children and grandchildren who finally get to visit and the fact that I play some small part in their lives and abilities. Wow. Just wow. May the actions I take this year serve to nurture, and protect these small and large treasures.

It is my hope that in reading this, you are perhaps reminded of the treasures large and small that your life holds. The most wondrous gift of all is the light and life inside each one of us. May we nurture our light and extend it in love and compassion to the rest of the world.

Please comment below if you have a thought or a treasure to share!

Sometimes in September

September is a favorite month. I love the crisp mornings with a hint of fog. I love the new coolness in the air after the burning heat of July and August. The lower temperatures of nighttime signal to both the tomatoes and to me that it is time to finally slow down and begin the slow savor of warmth and sunshine; a harvest of its own against the winter months ahead. As I stated in an earlier post, I have been rather immobile this summer, which has forced me to read instead of weed! I have done a lot of armchair gardening, admiring my flowers and the growing weeds surrounding them from afar, allowed the deer to munch my lilies and roses, and given up a more than fair share of the garden to the rabbits. A lesson in being less attached to outcomes, perhaps?

My better half (shall I call him Mr. Windy Hill?) has taken over morning and night time chicken care with me only helping when my ankle permits. I am so proud and grateful that he now knows all the chickens by name and personality, and they look to him as affectionately as they do me. Our little flock has grown to eight robust pullets and hens. My older three are as greedy for treats as ever, and the only time we have a fuss in the chicken yard (other than nighttime roosting drama) is when the “Big Girls” chase the “Little Girls” off in order to gobble down more mealworms or sunflower seeds. The older ones still will NOT allow the younger girls to roost with them at night and I am beginning to doubt that they ever will. I have never had such a dysfunctional bunch of old girls. They fight every single night over who will roost where, and poor Buttercup, who is at the bottom of the pecking order, often sleeps either in a nest box or in the broody coop with the younger girls.

Masie and Daisy

I have taken to calling my younger four pullets, who are twenty-four weeks old now, the “Dream Team.” They really hang together as a little flock, and go to roost without a fuss, cooing and singing each other to sleep. They look out for each other, and remind me a lot of my first flock of four from eight (can it really be eight?) years ago. They have distinct personalities although they look so much alike that even I have a hard time telling them apart. Their distinctive combs have not developed yet which is the feature I mostly use to tell my hens apart. They do have real personalities, though. Tansy is one of the larger hens, and is laying now almost every day. None of the others are laying yet. Her best buddy is RBG, named after the famous Supreme Court Justice because she is small, feisty, and not afraid of anything. Rosie Mae and Tinkerbell are a bit darker than the other two and both are less friendly about being handled.

Chickens free ranging in the garden

Even though I cannot work much in the garden, I have harvested loads of tomatoes and made several batches of roasted tomato sauce for the freezer. I grew my own plants this year from seed and they all have done well. Even the heirlooms, which is a first for me. I also harvested a fine crop of both hardneck and softneck garlic, and braided it for use throughout the year.

Hopefully by the next time I write I will have three additional hens laying and I will be a bit more mobile.

Meanwhile, I leave you with some excerpts from a ramble I wrote today. I hope you may read them without judgement. Suffice it to say that although I am committed to “living in the light,” sometimes I am weary of life in these pandemic times. I long for spontaneity and a day without a conversation about the numbers of people in our area who struggle with a positive test result. So yes, sometimes:

Sometimes

Sometimes I wish that every single full moon and meteor shower for this year would not occur on a cloudy night but would politely wait one more day so I could view it and get a sense of the universe expanding around me instead of shrinking down to close me in.

Sometimes I wish I could sleep at night in dreamless slumber instead of wandering through strange rooms peopled with past acquaintances and souls I have not met on a rational plane of existence, futilely attempting night after night to accomplish impossible tasks that sometimes wake me in their urgency only to fade as quickly as dust motes in dawnlight.

Sometimes I wish I could just believe that a verse of holy scripture could answer all my questions and anxieties. Sometimes I wish prayers were answered the way I want them to be as if the prayer were a prize piece of candy at the candy counter and God were the accomodating clerk instead of the sometimes and not nearly often enough perceived presence beyond even the center of my being.

Sometimes I wish I felt a sense of purpose as I age instead of feeling rather useless at times. Sometimes I wish I really felt that my meditations truly helped the shattered world, even one small part of it mended like placing a handle back on a cup enabling one to drink deeply again or at least pause for one appreciative breath.

Sometimes I wish love would truly save the world and that with this task of being a loving presence in the world, given me one April day in 2020 would make me as able to move mountains as Gandhi – that I could send love like Cupid’s arrows flying forth to change the twisted hearts so bent on greed and destruction and make them whole and shining again.

Sometimes I wish that I really could keep and share the joy I feel when I look up through the branches and leaves of a sheltering tree to the blue and clouded sky above because I realize the tremendous gift a green leaved tree is in a world on fire. And it gives all the shelter, shade, life and oxygen while remaining completely rooted.

What do you sometimes wish for?

Dog Days of Summer

It has been a while since I have had time to reflect and write about anything! I have a few minutes now. Blackberry cobbler baking in the oven, dogs napping, in the mid afternoon quiet I can admire the flowers and garden awash in late July sunlight, and share a few updates and thoughts with you.

May was not the best of months for me. I threw my knee out and when I finally recovered from that I developed an infection which led to a secondary infection to the mystification of several doctors and left me unable to do much of anything! A wise nurse practitioner saved the day when she correctly identified what was ailing me and sent me in the right direction. Within two weeks I was back to my best self. Late in May we moved the little chickens out of the basement into the Grow Out coop. They had not been there a week until three of the four broke or cracked their beaks by getting them caught in an area where the hardware cloth overlapped. Rosie Mae had the worst damage. She broke a large portion of her upper beak off. She was bleeding profusely and I had to isolate her in the basement again until it was healed. It has grown back now but it took two months. I could take her back out to be with her flockmates after four days or so, but she still couldn’t pick up food very well for weeks. It also left her traumatized and afraid of almost everything. In fact, she really didn’t want to go back into the Grow Out coop because she was afraid of it happening again. We covered all the hardware cloth with nylon screen netting to prevent that from happening again, but Rosie Mae had her serious doubts. I had to feed her wet mash in an elevated bowl for about a month.

Rosie Mae’s broken beak

That cost me a lot of June as well. I did have a lovely visit with two of my Charleston grandchildren. We did all the usual things one does around here: swimming in the river, campfires at night, games on the screen porch, and even ice cream for breakfast one morning! Two garden highlights in June were a great harvest of chamomile (which had sown itself so I had nothing to do with it!) and Jessica’s strawberry basil lemonade which has become a staple around here. Seriously, chamomile tea from garden chamomile is SO much better than what one can buy in the store.

Chamomile for tea plus calendula and edible flowers for salad decoration
Strawberry basil lemonade

Dog Days set in around the 4th of July. The heat and humidity have been oppressive. So working in the garden has been limited to the early morning hours after chicken care. Luckily the garden coop is shaded for much of the day so the chickens have remained pretty comfortable. We have gone to a system of rotating outdoor paddocks, leaving the chickens in one grassy area for a week while resowing the bare spaces in the paddock they were just in. We have three paddocks so they are only in one paddock one week out of three which gives it a couple of weeks to recover. Ideally we need one more paddock but I don’t think that will happen because we are really out of space. We integrated the flock around mid-July when the littles were sixteen weeks old. They are basically operating as two separate flocks at this point after three weeks together, although now the big girls are tolerating the littles in their same foraging areas. They still won’t let them roost on the big girls’ roost. Buffy FINALLY gave up being broody after almost six weeks. She is rather a calming influence in the pecking order battles because she seems to like the company of the younger girls. And they are all pullets, thank goodness. The little girls turned nineteen weeks old today. We are still waiting for that magical first egg. I wonder who will lay it?

Left: Coop garden in full bloom. Middle: Rosie Mae all healed. Right: Tansy

July is Sadie’s birthday. We celebrate it the week after the 4th of July because that is a miserable time for her with the noise of fireworks. She had a grand old time with our grandson from Ohio there to help her celebrate. She LOVES wearing the birthday hat and eating pupcakes and doggie ice cream.

Sadie anticipating those pupcakes!

July is a busy time in the garden! We harvested blueberries, peaches (the first in several years from our old trees), and garlic. I froze the blueberries and peaches (after a couple of cobblers and peach ice cream, of course) and the garlic is drying now for braiding early in August.

I also put out my knee again and turned my ankle which has allowed me the blessing of having lots of time to read and work on my art. Since the pandemic I have been dabbling in learning watercolor from Kateri Ewing http://www.kateriewing.com and Anna Mason http://www.annamasonart.com

Practicing art has the added bonus of putting me totally in the moment and is suprisingly relaxing. I have enjoyed the time I spend in my little “studio” (an art desk in my bedroom) very much. Please see below a couple of my efforts. These are from Anna Mason tutorials at the above website, so they are not my original ideas but completed tutorials from her excellent teaching on this site.

Kateri Ewing just published a new book entitled Drawing Is For Everyone. It is available at Amazon, or on her website listed above. I just purchased a set of graphite pencils and have worked my way through two lessons so far. I look forward to trying more. She has a very Zenlike approach. Check these two artists out if you feel inclined!

Finally, as July comes to a close I reflect on these weeks of blessings and trials. This summer, after the pandemic year of 2020, I find my energy much changed. I am surely feeling my limits. I am far more settled to simply be at home and not anxious to resume my busy life from before. It looks right now as if we will be back to masking and maintaining social distance for the foreseeable future anyway. I find the need to be appreciative of the tiniest moments: the nest of baby wrens in a hanging basket, birdsong in the mornings, fireflies twinkling at night, the sweet musical murmur of my hen Daisy Sunshine, the soft fur of my cat Thomasina, tummy rubs and lovin’ on our dogs, Sadie and Caitlin, sweet companionship with my husband, the voices of my children and grands over the phone, friends dropping by to join in a meditation circle, dew drops hanging like diamonds on the petals of my flowers, the crumble of warm soil in my hands and the taste of peach ice cream melting on my tongue. Life is unbelievably rich and fragile. It is a treasure, for sure! Enjoy the last of your summer.

Lovely April

It seems that I never think to post until the last day of the month rolls around!
We have been so busy this spring! Numerous projects have kept us outdoors this year: especially the revamping of our vegetable garden. We replaced one raised bed and my dear husband built two new raised beds designed to have a trellis running between them. We also redesigned our garden beds into wide planting “neighborhoods” rather than single long rows. This is a new idea I got from a companion planting book. More on that later!

It has been a long cool spring. This year we have not had spikes of eighty degree weather. Lots of temperatures in the sixties and low seventies, which is just fine by me! We have had a couple of frost scares, including one for tonight, but I am hopeful that we may actually have some fruit on our peach and apple trees this year. Of all my lilacs, only one bloomed, but I have treasured those blooms with their amazing scent, and brought one small bouquet in to the house. I made lilac honey with some of the blossoms.

Lilacs in my mother’s vase

I have developed a new appreciation for the humble dandelion this year, thanks to an herb of the month box from The Herbal Revolution. The first box focuses on dandelion. The book included in the box has a recipe for dandelion lemonade which is so easy and just wonderful. I am making a quart every two or three days. It is such a nice way to get all the essential nutrients of the dandelion. They have a wonderful herb farm in Maine and a great website. http://herbalrev.com I am letting the feathered ladies out almost every evening to free range in the garden while I pluck plump yellow dandelion blossoms. I also made a tincture with the dried root included in the dandelion box. Next month’s box features nettles. We had pasta with nettle pesto (frozen from last year) a few days ago. Pat is the nettle guy and we are looking forward to nettle season in May. I picked enough violets to make violet syrup which is a real treat, and I made some violet flower essence as well. A friend brought us a lovely bag of morel mushrooms the other day too. We fried those delightful mushrooms up and enjoyed them right away. I have looked in vain for morels in our woods for the past two years, so I was grateful to receive some from a friend. Thanks, Leah!

The big news for April is that our dear older hen, Buffy, turned eight years old! I used Melissa’s recipe from http://tillysnest.com to make a birthday cake for her. I decorated it with plain yogurt, strawberries and mealworms. The cake was real hit with the hens. So we celebrated all their birthdays and Buffy was nice enough to share her cake. Buttercup is five, and Maisie and Daisy are two.

The little chicks are growing up fast. They are still in the basement, in a puppy playpen, but have enjoyed a couple of afternoons outdoors. I have named them all and I am hopeful that I truly have all pullets and no roos. Their combs are still small and very pale at six weeks. I have not had that kind of luck in my two prior broods. Tinkerbell and Rosie Mae are about the same size now and are fully feathered out. Rosie Mae is the friendliest and always flies out of the playpen to sit or pretend dust bathe in my lap. Tinkerbell is not as friendly. The other two have not completely grown their tail feathers. Dandelion is smaller and pretty fiesty. Tansy is probably the largest chick of the four and is very friendly. I have read that you can’t really tell about roosters until one starts to crow, though. So I will keep you posted.

I hope everyone enjoyed April as much as I did. I am looking forward to May planting and putting my young chicks out in their grow out coop.

These things are all silver linings on which I chose to focus. Spring is a good time to look for silver linings. What are yours? Please comment below!

March Thoughts

Photo by fauxels on Pexels.com

First things first: The biggest thing that happened to me in March was a hug. Think about that. We have reached a time when a hug becomes the most precious thing. On Sunday, March 21 at 2:30 p.m., because of the miracle of vaccination, I received and gave my first hug from someone other than my bubble and life mate in over a year. In fact, two lovely shining warm hugs – one from my son, another from my grandson. Warm, rib crushing, lengthy, luscious hugs which set my heart aglow in such a way that weeks later I can still feel them. They lit me up inside. I had not truly realized how much I missed them. They also unlocked some feelings in me that I had not realized were locked away.

Grief. If I was that starved for a hug – ME, with a loving healthy husband who cooks dinner occasionally, reaches out to hold my hand or wrap his arm around me in the dark. ME, with two golden retrievers, queens of affection who push their soft furry heads into my hands to be petted, roll over for tummy rubs and gaze at me with eyes which are brown pools of love. ME, with a home that is warm in winter/early spring – wood stove glowing, piles of yarn ready for knitting, paints on the table upstairs, stacks of books to read and treasure, woods for walking and a garden alive with birds, chickens and flowers in the summer….how starved must people be who are waiting this pandemic out in lonely nursing homes or hospital rooms, quiet houses, apartments, corners of alleyways. How starved are they? I grieve for them. I grieve for those who lost a loved one this past year, unable to say goodbye or mourn with the support of friends and family.

All of a sudden zoom meetings, FaceTime, texts and emails are not enough. I long to build a big bonfire and burn all my ways of coping up.

And yet – yet – as we approach the end of this pandemic I realize I am at times terrified. I sometimes feel like I am a vehicle rolling downhill with no brakes approaching the edge of a cliff. How can we get back to normal and what will that even look like?

It is like all the people who believe in science and have a healthy fear of contracting COVID, or worse yet, giving it to someone else – we have built these carefully constructed safe places but they are really houses of straw. Or perhaps they are more like caves we have tunneled into the ground or hillsides. How do we crawl out of our safe places and resume life again? It is hard to imagine resuming book clubs, even playing music with friends again. My dulcimer stands dust covered in the corner as if I had died. How to enter a church, take communion, attend a funeral when a card sent from a safe distance will no longer suffice? How can I have people in my home again? How do I dare? I am sure by now you are laughing. I am surely overthinking this.

I loved the vacant blue skies with no streaks of air traffic pollution. I loved the variety of birds at my feeders and seeing species I had not seen before. I loved the quiet. I loved not hovering around WalMart like a fly on rotten fruit. I loved baking our own bread (mostly my husband did that), hanging wash on the line, never going anywhere and having time to think.

And yet I yearn for hugs and to see lips smile and an occasional road trip or dinner out. How to balance? How to grieve? These are what we ALL must learn. We cannot shove this pandemic under the rug like a bad dream. We need to spend time in gratitude for the simple things we have learned to love, incorporate lessons learned into our lives, experience a rebirth of kindness and compassion. We need to be patient and kind to ourselves as well. I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Suggestions too, on how to proceed mindfully out of the tunnel into the light.

Ok. Now that I have gotten that off my chest, I do have newsy updates on a much lighter note. FIRST of all, my feathered ladies have resumed laying! Even Buffy O, who turned eight years old! She teaches me resilience every day. She is determined to keep up with the others in every way. What a joy to find four eggs (one from each of my hens) in the nest box every couple of days.

And I got four more little baby Buffs. They will be two weeks old this weekend. So far they are very healthy. I haven’t named them yet except for the smallest one, which I have called Tinkerbell. They are supposed to be pullets and I sure hope they are. I haven’t had much luck with that, having had a roo in each bunch I have raised for the last couple of times. But for now, they are adorable little balls of fluff.

New babies

It has been a beautiful Spring here so far. The temps have been consistently cool and my fruit trees are budded but not blooming. The daffodils and forsythia have been prolific with bloom. What a delight to have flowers again!

In the garden I have planted sugar snap peas and snow peas. We are planning a couple of new raised beds, and recently Pat built a cold frame which will come in handy. I have pansies, tomatoes and peppers up and under lights in the basement. I plan to plant flowering sweet peas after the predicted cold snap of this weekend.

So that’s all the news from Windy Hill at this time! Please write your comments below. I would love to hear from you!

The Love of Ordinary Things

All you need is love. My husband of fifty years taught me this. It is a familiar phrase from an early Beatles song. Around our house, the tempo of our lives is graced with those well loved Beatle lyrics playing in the background. Indeed this past year of pandemic, political crisis and seemingly hopeless divide has sorely tested the truth of “all you need is love.” And yet when life narrows down to simple everyday existence, and all the things we seemingly thought we could not do without are gone, love remains. Think on that! I recently read the words of a friend who reflected on how the simplest of ordinary things have become beautiful and dear in this time of pandemic isolation. She admits to smiling fondly at her coffee cup. Perhaps she has lost her mind? She invited the reader to reflect on the small things which have become beautiful and dear. After my chuckle at her reflection I found myself noting certain small, beautiful and dear things as well. Consider my favorite wintertime companions, the birds: how the cheerful Carolina wren holds its jaunty striped tail feathers up high like a salute; how the scarlet cardinal males with their garnet grey partners cause the bare branches of my crabapple tree to bloom; how the snowbirds (juncos) nestle in the snow covered branches of our discarded Christmas tree to munch on bagel treats which we hung there.

February is an in-between month. Winter lingers on like a visitor that has outlived its welcome. We look to see if the groundhog sees its shadow, and begin to yearn for spring. The snow has lost its charm. I tire of the indoor tasks which were so beguiling in late autumn: reading, knitting, writing, drinking endless cups of tea. I sort my seed packets and count the days until I can begin to push those embryos of life into the waiting soil. Yet the days pass slowly. I make homemade valentines and treat my feathered ladies to a special heart shaped seed cake. I hang the carefully cut out hearts where Christmas decorations and snowflakes were. I studiously avoid my sewing room where a quilt is waiting for my silver needle to flash in and out, in and out. I drift as lazily through my days as the snowflakes which aimlessly float in the air outside my window.

In recent winter issue of Bella Grace magazine I came across an article entitled “Beautiful In-Betweens” by Elle Harris, a writer I much admire. https://thisquotablelife.wordpress.com/ She invites the reader to reflect on the “in-between” times in life. In particular one such invitation invites the reader to examine their hands. Think of what evidence those hands provide of a life well lived. What a small, seemingly ordinary thing to cherish: one’s own hands. Yet if I look closely at my own not so young hands, they do provide a kind of roadmap and I looked up a journal entry I wrote not long after my mother passed away. I will share parts of it:

Journal Entry:  Hands (summer 2014)

Today I had to move a box into Mom’s old closet.  To make room I had to dismantle a box of framed photographs which she had had at Serenity Care.  As I went through the photos, mostly of her great-grandchildren, I got such a sense of time passing.  It seemed so recently that these sweet children were just born, yet that was ten to twenty years ago.  Where have the years gone?  It seems I blink and a year goes by.  I found photos of my oldest son holding his firstborn in his arms, my second granddaughter as a baby in a Moses basket, wedding photos, and one precious photo of my son at age four dressed as a clown for Halloween, my daughter’s senior photos.  My what a beauty!

I found Mom’s baby pictures, deeds to property, checkbooks, my last accounting of her estate, jewelry no one wanted.  That is what is left of her:  a paper trail, a lock of hair, a strand of crystal beads.

I found the rings I had to take off last summer when my arthritis got so bad.  My twenty-fifth wedding anniversary emerald, my fortieth anniversary ruby.  I thought —maybe?? My hands are not as bad this summer.  I slipped each on the ring finger.  They stopped at each enlarged knuckle.  No.

I am reminded again of my age.  My hands are just like my mother’s:  wrinkled, brown with age spots, mountain range of blue veins traced across the top.  My own Blue Ridge.  

These Hands

These hands have cradled babies’ heads,

and stroked my mother’s tear-streaked face,

kneaded warm smooth mounds of fragrant bread dough,

dug into the garden’s rich deep earth

to weed and plant seeds,

clapped with pride at a concert or swim meet,

typed endless lesson plans,

grasped firmly a child’s hand to give a lift up,

stroked a silky golden retriever’s fur,

strummed a dulcimer’s plaintive lament,

patted a chicken’s down fluffed breast,

wound around a husband’s strong shoulders,

folded in prayer for a friend,

laid idly while river dreaming,

twisted long red locks in agitation,

curled around a pen to record life’s questions,

composed a letter of comfort or a poem,

pressed on a keyboard to send a missive

bearing connection and love.

These hands.

Saving the Wisdom

I think I am writing today to purge my feelings so I beg your forgiveness ahead of time. We are one week away from the insurrection at the U.S. Capitol, and I find I am going through the classic stages of grief. At first I was stunned. I struggled to believe such a thing was happening. When a friend texted me that the protestors (as we called them then) were storming the capitol, I denied that such a thing was happening, or ever could happen. Then I sat through a series of days where images, like those of 9-11 were burned into my brain, interrupting my sleep, and invading the peace of my days as I struggled to place the events that unfolded into context. Then I grew angry, and I confess I am trying to process that anger now as I watch our leaders bargaining to see who will remain in power. The next stage is depression which I feel is very likely and I hope that stage doesn’t last long. Finally, acceptance. We are not there yet.

As I move through these days I have wished I could be like the birds who flutter cheerfully around the feeders on my deck, blissfully unaware of the turmoil we humans have inflicted upon ourselves. Watching them has been some solace for me. I have walked in the woods and watched the trees who teach me patience gently swaying in air currents far above my head. I have watched the sky clear and become the pale blue of winter, and the watery sun shining down offering its small cheerfulness and warmth. I have been in rebellion in my thoughts, sick of COVID isolation and dreaming of spending time anywhere but here.

And then, I go about my daily round. We are blessed to have animals which need us to care for them and so the hours of my day are arranged around feeding and caring for them in various ways. And as usual the animals are such good teachers. The dogs want fed, walked, brushed and petted. They wake us before dawn each day, joyful to have another day of loving. The cats are imperious dictators, demanding their share of attention and treats, and yet able to curl up peacefully on their mats confident that they will receive their evening meal after a nap. The chickens greet me each morning with soft chatter. They follow me around the coop and the run, hoping for a scatter of sunflower seeds. When I speak to each by name, each cocks a head and looks at me with an inquisitive eye. I watch their interaction in the flock which is much like how humans order their society. A couple are good friends, some really do not like each other, and the oldest limps around still in charge of the flock and getting the respect to which she is due. She is too old to hop on a roost any more yet no matter what the weather, she takes her place at the top of the ramp into the roosting area, ready to protect and defend her flock.

Tonight as I put my chickens to bed for the night, securely locking them in after I gathered a couple of warm brown eggs, I had a thought. I was thinking about how lucky these birds are to be a flock in a backyard where they are fed every day, cared for with love in a clean orderly coop, and locked in securely every night. Even though Buffy is too old to be productive, she is still a valuable member of the flock. Even though Buttercup is at the bottom of the pecking order, in the end she still has a place to roost and her share of food. What if human beings cared for each other like that? What if we could create a society in which each person is valued for the light in their soul, regardless of their place in the pecking order? What if we cared for everyone knowing that each has worth?

Our governor called the first round of vaccine distribution to those eighty years of age or older “Saving the Wisdom.” Think about that. These folks are the elders of our society, and they have a lot of wisdom to share. I am not that old, but I am as David Whyte called “on the threshold of the great disappearance.” What wisdom do I have to share? I certainly hope that I have shared some with my own children who occasionally call me and ask for advice. What wisdom do I have for these days of chaos into which we have entered? I would advise that we stop drawing dividing lines and focus on what brings us all together. Once again, E Pluribus Unum, out of many one. We are all Americans first. Let’s stop the labeling and name calling, and like a feathered flock, work together for the common good.

Last week I lost my dear Uncle David to COVID-19, as the nation rocked with the insurrection. In my grief at his passing, I thought of the loss of this good elder in my life. I thought of how he was slow to speak or give an opinion, thoughtfully considering all sides, a skill we have lost. But when he spoke it was wisdom. I thought of a wise teacher I once had who spoke of a circle of souls, elders, surrounding our planet, guiding it and keeping it safe. I like to think that is so. Our wise ones do not ever leave us, but if we remember their wisdom, it may guide us forward through these tough times.

I leave you with this poem I wrote while feeling sad and hopeful at the same time :

 
 Saving the Wisdom
  
  
 Another wide smile lost,
 another voice silenced.
 And
 as darkness grows across the land
 another bright light fades out
 and passes into memory.
 Not lost, 
 never lost
 behind the veil of death,
 but journeying on
 toward a greater work.
  
 Envision this:
 the souls of wise elders bound together
 to form a band of love
 around a world that looks like it is broken,
 encircling the planet to guide and save it.
  
 Below, we try to straddle the chasm of grief.
 Our aching hearts seeking connection
 found in beauty, laughter, memory and
 steady hearts which hold inner light.
  
 We hold the future by the grace of our actions,
 a tiny seed entrusted to us by these wise elder souls.
 What will grow in this ground
 so well-watered with our salt water tears?
 We place this seed of wisdom in this hallowed ground
 and hope
 that healing will one day take root. 

Winter Solstice

Photo by Simon Berger at Unsplash

As we stand on the threshold of winter, the Winter Solstice has become a time for reflection as the sun appears to stand still on the shortest day/longest night of the year.

I have always felt it ironic that on this day, December 21, the dark, cold season of winter begins at the same time that light returns to our world and daylight hours lengthen. We are held in the sometimes harsh, sometimes nurturing depths of a season which demands that we seek warmth, shelter, rest and reflection while at the same time the light of our common humanity and connection to all beings grows and glows in our inmost core: an outer and inner hearth to which we are called to tend.

We are near the end of what must be one of the darkest years humanity has known in recent times. I recall so clearly the excitement and hope with which I embraced the new year of 2020. The year of perfect vision! I set goals for myself, made a vision board with friends and anticipated celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary with family. I looked forward to a vacation in Maine, and registered for a couple of spiritual retreats.

Before we knew what was actually happening, the COVID-19 pandemic threw the world into chaos and lockdown, racial injustice called us to examine what we had too long chosen to ignore, and an intense and bitter political climate exhausted us. Darkness descended. Death became very close, very possible, very real. We grew used to hovering in the shadows.

As I reflect on 2020, I find that this year has taught me many things. Most importantly to treasure the fleeting gift of life; to let go of what I do not need: business, shopping, meetings, travel, explicit items from the grocery store. And to draw close to what I DO need: walks in nature, silence, animal companionship, the smiling eyes behind a mask of those I love, simple meals, letters from friends, and the music of my husband’s voice. What have you learned? This truly was a year of things becoming clear, and correcting distorted vision.

Our Advent candles

This is the first year we have actually had the time to daily light Advent candles in quiet reflection of the coming winter and light growing in the darkness. We have read daily lessons about how our companion creatures prepare for winter from the book All Creation Waits by Gayle Ross. My chickens molt and grow new feathers so that they can fluff them out as little down layers to trap warmth. They forget their squabbles and huddle together on the roost. The bear and other creatures (including me) put on an extra layer of fat. The painted turtle burrows down into the mud at the bottom of a pond and almost dissolves into its shell. Firefly larvae (glo-worms) are growing and glowing even now deep in the underground awaiting metamorphosis into winged creatures once again.

I have participated in a solstice ritual (via Zoom) where we repeated many names of people who have died this past year in staggering, unbearable numbers. We held their memories in tears and grief. We asked forgiveness for our own faults and failings. We offered up prayers for the healing of our nation, our earth and prayers for the return of goodness, kind speech and unity to our world.

On this most holy of solstices, on this longest night of the year, I hope you pause to grieve, ask forgiveness and whisper a prayer for our world. The light is growing both in our world and in each of us. I leave you with a prayer:

May we find hope in the lights we have kindled on this sacred night, hope in one another and in all who form the web-work of peace and justice that spans the world.

In the heart of every person on this Earth burns the spark of luminous goodness; in no heart is there total darkness. May we who have celebrated this winter solstice, by our lives and service, by our prayers and love, call forth from one another the light and the love that is hidden in every heart.

Prayers for a Planetary Pilgrim by Edward Hayes

Let there be light!